Basics Needs for Overstimulated Moms

Just think…those canaries alerted miners to life threatening circumstances! But if you stop there instead of responding to what the little whistle of that bird (sensory overload)  is trying to tell you, you’ll stop short of thriving in your role as a mom and homeschooler.

That little whistle of sensory overload may be trying to tell you this:

You are not being intentional about your basic needs.

What are basic needs?

What are YOUR basic needs when you’ve got a tendency for sensory overwhelm? May be you’ve used the word “selfcare,” and that has its place, but basic needs really drives home the fact that they are requirements. Let’s define this nebulous concept of selfcare, beyond the occasional mommy-night-out and pedicure.

This list is largely adapted from Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, combined with a few concepts from philosophy of Charlotte Mason and polyvagal theory. Experts in psychology and other areas will expound on these areas differently, but I’ll highlight a few that I’ve found to be especially important for overwhelmed moms to get started.

Regardless of the experts, it’s vital that YOU define for yourself what basic needs truly are. In this article, we’ll focuse on the first 5. Come back for the next post to learn about the next 4!

• Sleep
• Nutrition
• Movement
• Personal Hygiene
• Order
• Mastery
• Love & Belonging
• Spirituality 
• Beauty

Sleep

Lack of quality sleep is closely correlated with sensory overload, anxiety, and chronic stress. Chronic stress has a myriad of negative effects on your entire body and brain. 

Poor sleep quality is a vicious cycle: 

–poor quality sleep leads to anxiety,

-anxiety leads to poor quality sleep…

Sensory overstimulation is the same vicious cycle.

-poor quality sleep leads to sensory overstimulation

-sensory overwhelm leads to poor quality sleep

This merry-go-round effect comes from cortisol problems that arise from sleep difficulties: Too much cortisol because of poor quality sleep leads to peaking cortisol levels later in the day, which leads to worse sleep quality… you get the picture.

Cognitive Effects

Here’s Why

In relation to sensory overwhelm, chronic stress that results from sleep deprivation can increase the neuronal connections in the amygdala, which is a brain structure responsible for fear and your fight/flight response that is involved in the overstimulation response. As you can imagine, that’s not a good thing.

 On the other hand, poor sleep weakens activity in the hippocampus (memory) and actually shrinks the prefrontal cortex. So it negatively impacts your ability to respond well and “manage” that stress.

Want to know more about other practical application of this neuroscience? Check out more information in this informative Ted Ed Talk.

Hormones & Sleep

Hormones complicate things, right?

Pregnancy drastically affects sleep, not only from a physical comfort standpoint, but also on a neurochemical level. Same with monthly cycles, especially if you have hormone imbalances, as well as perimenopause and menopause. For example, increased estrogen levels can cause neck edema & sinus swelling, which affect breathing and sleep quality.

What can I control then?

Sleep difficulty could include difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or not enough complete sleep cycles. Sometimes, quality sleep is beyond our control (cue the kids!), but don’t use that as an excuse to ignore what you CAN control.

• Stop the bedtime scrolling at least an hour before bedtime (I know…).
• Use a night setting on your screens after dinner.
• Develop a short but consistent bedtime routine for yourself.
• Prioritize morning sun exposure (even on cloudy days) before 10AM. You can use approved sun lamps to help seasonally as well. Don’t waste your money on knock-offs.
• Don’t consume caffeine after lunch. It takes at least 5-7 hours for half of that caffeine to leave your body.
• Set a consistent wake time, whether or not you’re a morning person, and make adjustments in 15 minute increments if you want to change your routine.
• Keep a fairly regular meal schedule.
• Try regular and diverse types of exercise.
• Don’t lay in bed awake for more than 30 minutes.
• Keep naps less than 30 minutes, and not within 6 hours of bedtime.

Admittedly, a lot of “shoulds” and guilt come along with talking about sleep with moms. Pick 1 thing and start there! Sleep deserves its own blog post, but this will get you started. This is a big part of my personal story of sensory overload in motherhood; you can read more about that here in my first post.

The SPIRAL foundation has a fantastic resource for sleep and sensory overwhelm that you can find here. While the language is geared towards children, the same information & tips are easily applied with adults.

Nutrition

Try choosing to eat 1 meal a day sitting down, paying attention to the actual act of eating and the sensations involved.

How does your food taste?

Feel in your hand? Your mouth?

What colors do you see? 

You can even pick one meal a week that you know you enjoy, regardless of your kids’ opinions. Eating for enjoyment is a lost experience for many of us.

You may also be surprised to realize how often you’re snacking because that oral input helps you self-regulate. Crunchy, chewy, strong flavors can help us feel awake and alert. Once you realize that may be why you’re snacking, you can intentionally choose nourishing alternatives.

You may also be surprised to realize how often you’re snacking because that oral input helps you self-regulate.

Movement

Motherhood is a highly demanding job, but as our seasons of motherhood change, we may not realize our exhaustion at the end of the day isn’t actually because of physical exertion. Do you move your body in a way that you enjoy? Do you treat it like a means to an end, with a tinge of guilt to shed those mommy pounds?

Intentional movement doesn’t have to look like a HIIT routine or 5K training. It may mean a 10 minute stretching routine while you’re getting that morning sun or walking up and down the driveway a few extra times when you check the mail. Whatever it is, do it. As adults, our senses that are fed by movement are our most starved senses, but they’re also the most important for feeling grounded and connected. You can read more about that here. 

Understimulated Moms are Overwhelmed Moms

Personal Hygeine

Order

Some of us thrive with a sense of novelty, while others crave predictability and routine. Mostly, our preferences are on a continuum and can change over time and according to circumstances. Overall though, for a sense of safety and security, some degree of order & control is needed: financial, societal, etc. Cohabitating is tricky, though, isn’t it? So many different nervous systems and preferences living under the same roof. As a family, establish what this order should look like in your home, and consider how it changes through the years. 

Maybe you need an organized school area because you crave physical and visual order. Maybe you don’t have a school room, but you can work to find a shelf or corner over which you have dominion. Respect this need of yours and consider it valid! As you set the standards & communicate them, consider your own needs because if mama ain’t happy… you know. 

Coming up

Take 10 minutes and reflect on what your own basic needs are; indeed, they’ll be a little different for each of us.

As you set your expectations for a new school term, how will considering these basic needs impact your connection with yourself and your kids?
If you’re having a hard time choosing where to start, you’re invited to chat with me in a free consultation to determine where a good starting point might be. Join us in conversation in our free facebook group here.

Come back for the next article where we’ll look at the other 4 basic needs for overstimulated homeschool moms!